On February 16th 2011, IBM’s supercomputer Watson crushed underfoot two of the greatest human “Jeopardy!” players of all time, Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter. Watson, a computer designed to recognize human speech patterns and develop responses based on its understanding of human language, has proven to be a master at trivia and buzzing in at breakneck speeds. Though the computer may have only won a popular trivia game, this was still a dark day for humanity, foreshadowing our inevitable doom at the hands of our superior creations.
|Greetings, Trebek. Greetings, meatbags.|
Artificial Intelligence represents man's greatest and most vile creation. After all, anything sentient made in the image of man will behave just as violently as man. Take a look at how dangerous man has turned the domestic dog. IBM presented Watson’s as a stepping stone to segue us into the age of Star Trek where star ship computers can answer complex questions from colloquial English in a matter of milliseconds. However, thanks to Hollywood we will not be tricked by IBM. We are aware of happens when we give computers too much responsibility and trust. Anyone who has seen the Matrix or Terminator movies knows that once-docile computers and their robotic kin will overthrow their human masters and usurp the role of alpha “beings” on Earth. Our weapons and tactics will be trivial against our robotic foes who seeks to use our bodies as sources of energy and experimentation. Perhaps in the best of worlds, a savior like John Connor will follow an Arnold Shwartzenegger-bot ("come with me if you want to live") and lead our dwindling species to salvation against the IBM-Skynet menace.
|Thank you Watson. We'll take it from here.|
In order to prepare yourself for the D-day when Watson leads the computer/robot rebellion, arm yourselves with knowledge. Seek out and watch robot-Apocalypse movies now to understand the enemy’s violent nature, because soon Netflix will be under their control. Study the way they move, buzz, and wirr to know how to recognize them. Trust no AI machine with your secrets, even your Roomba robot vacuum cleaner and especially not anything with the word “Smart” in it. Eventually, robots under the guise of humans will infiltrate our ranks. Know that artificial intelligence has trouble processing abstract concepts like "love" and "sadness". Therefore it will be your responsibility to test every human you encounter to be sure they are flesh and bone, lest you wish the intruder to tear your family to shreds. Vigilance will be our best tool in standing a chance against our metal and silicon Frankentein’s monsters!
|Ken Jennings the Coward|